Well as many of you pointed out to me when I was ranting about blogs I won’t read (Or was it when I was ranting about non-funny humor blogs… can’t recall… coulda been either), we can’t always be funny.  And I seriously have to choke back the urge so often to post about the truly geeky things that I discover about blogging, Wordpress, SEO, advertising, PPP, or whatever.  But I know that’s not why you’re here. 

But I cannot exorcize the geek in me anymore than I can the bitch you have all come to know and love (or spell-check in the case of one recent comment writer).  So, in order to satisfy the demons of tech that rage within, I’ve started another blog to post about that.  I think my *second* post there will be about blog addiction. 

I’d love for you to all check it out, and I promise you that my Bitter Audience is my primary concern, and I won’t neglect you!  I love you guys!  (Especially YOU.  I’d say “you know who you are, but in truth I’m stalking you, so if you know who you are, I suck.)

My geekiness in full glory with my very first post about blogrolls: About Blogging

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I’ve been reading guides on blogs, blogging, and how to get more traffic to your blog.   After all, no one wants to write and write and write if no one is reading it.  Right?

Here are some helpful hints for my bitter fans:

What They Won’t Tell You In Guides For Bloggers

1.  Most Guides About Getting Traffic Are Written To Get More Traffic For The Author.  While in general it’s understandable, you have to keep in mind that they don’t necessarily know what they’re talking about.

2.  Most Guides Are On Sites I Wouldn’t Go Back To.  Seriously.  Before you start reorganising based on someone else’s advice, you might want to see if their site is all that. (Shut up.  I know no one uses that expression anymore.)

3.  Most of These People are Relentless Ass-kissers.  I have no idea why, but they don’t seem to tell you what doesn’t work… only how great such-and-such a service is.  My guess is that they use that service and are hoping that if they can get more people to sign up, it’ll boost their traffic.  See a trend?

I haven’t been doing this all that long, but I do watch my stats to see what works and what doesn’t, and I’ll share with you the little tidbits I’ve found:

1.  Not all blogger networks are worth your time.  If you’re going to clutter up your sidebar with tacky widgets for them (hey I do it too), don’t waste the space on ones that don’t work.  I found that Blogcatalog.com, MyBlogLog.com, and to a lesser extent TheGoodBlogs.com all are decent.  I wouldn’t bother with Blogorama.  I’ve tried about 10-15 different ones, and those were the only ones that brought me more than a couple clicks.    (Oh, and avoid “Others Online”.  I dunno if they work or not, but they make you install a toolbar in your browser.  It made my browser SO slow, and I found it difficult to turn off.   I have a word for that: spyware.)

2.  Put a widget on your posts to allow people to Digg, StumbleUpon, etc your posts.  Yesterday someone put one of my posts on SU, and I got 400 new visitors just from that.  I was so encouraged by that, that I’ve started trying to build up my Stumble Upon network.  You can find me at http://jaynemc.stumbleupon.com/  Feel free to add me as a friend.  If you do, I’ll visit your blog, and if I like it, I’ll Stumble it.  If you’re funny enough to like Bitter Women, no doubt I’ll like your blog too.   SU does require a toolbar, but it doesn’t seem to slow down my browser or cause any problems at all. 

3.  Sponsored Listings: Not worth it!  I put in a bid to be a $15/month sponsor of the ‘Humor’ category on BlogCatalog.com.  I thought that surely hundreds if not thousands of people would come rushing in.  It did NOT work.  In four days of having it up, I’ve gotten only a small handful of people that found me that way. I wish I’d saved the money and bought myself a Boston Cream Pie or five.

4.  Most people so far  have found me through me leaving comments elsewhere.  Yeah, looks like the old-fashioned way of making friends is still the best.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though.  I’ve found some awesome-funny blogs out there. 

Let me know if you have helpful hints!  We can help each other a lot better than these so-called “experts” methinks!

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Well, I’ve only been around long enough to have a few faithful readers, but I thought I’d let everyone know that I’m still alive and kickin!  I had houseguests for a month, then went away on a holiday, and then have been trying to get caught up with all my computer and internet nonsense!

 So without further ado… something amusing to think about today:

Flying Saucers Go Into Production

Updated: 11:40, Friday August 03, 2007

A “flying saucer” that glides three metres above the ground and carries two people has gone into commerical production.

The M200G volantor: yours for under £45,000

US company Moller International has begun to manufacture parts for its Jetsons-like personal flying pod, the M200G Volantor.

The M200G is the size of a small car and is designed to take off and land vertically.

Company founder Dr Paul Moller calls the craft “the ultimate off-road vehicle” as it is able to travel over any surface.

“It’s not a hovercraft, although its operation is just as easy,” said the aeronautical engineering boffin.

You know I think we all hoped that when flying cars and jetpacks and all this cool future-y technology came into reality, it wouldn’t be quite so dorky looking.

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It’s official, males with big testicles have smaller brains - at least in the case of bats, according to  a discovery by scientists at Syracuse University in New York.

Read More:  http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91059-13475802,00.html

Their study shows a biological trade-off between brains and sperm, with the creatures ‘opting’ for one or the other.

See.  They didn’t have to do a study on that.  I would have thought it’s fairly obvious.

I wonder how they study the IQ of a bat?  Are bats with smaller testicles but bigger brains more or less secure in their identity?  Do bats get spam email telling them that they could, for a very low price and from the comfort of their own caves, remedy one or both of those problems?

I do wonder!

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LONDON - British scientists are developing a robot that will generate its own power by eating flies.

The idea is to produce electricity by catching flies and digesting them in special fuel cells that will break down sugar in the insects’ skeletons and release electrons that will drive an electric current.

“Called EcoBot II, the robot is part of a drive to make “release and forget” robots that can be sent into dangerous or inhospitable areas to carry our remote industrial or military monitoring of, say, temperature or toxic gas concentrations,” New Scientist magazine said on Wednesday.

So… dangerous and inhospitable… like, say…. Los Angeles?

Hence the downside of the fully autonomous robot: it will have to use sewage or excrement to attract the flies and is bound to smell appalling.

Gee.. maybe someday we’ll have cars that work on the same principles. And rather than pulling over for petrol, we can just install toilet seats instead of find cordovian leather. Just think, no longer will the kids beg for you to stop at the next rest stop. So no stopping for petrol or toilets….  You could drive coast to coast and back again without ever stopping! Ain’t technology grand?

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