Today I have to study for my Britishness Test.  Which, erm, I take this afternoon.  I’m relying mostly on the fact that I like taking tests, but I suppose this isn’t going to be like the ‘How Emo Are You’ myspace poll quiz thingmy.

Therefore, there will be no bitter rants today. 

Okay except one.  I’d love for the current MP’s to take this damned test.  If they don’t score the requisite 75% pass rate, they should have their asses kicked out.  A lot of it isn’t that hard, but some is quite obnoxious. 

If you’re British (and without googling, please) tell me if you know the following:

1.  A Quarter of the population of UK are children and young people up to the age of 19 (T/F)

2.  When did Britain become part of European Economic Community? (Mulitple Choice: 1979, 1949, 1973, 1987)

3.  What is the ethnic minority population in England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland?

4.  What percentage of the British population is Christian?

5.  What percentage of the Christian population of Britain is Roman Catholic? (There are also questions on other religions and sects that are smiliar.)

These aren’t the most obnoxious ones… just the ones off the top of my head. 

I really don’t mind taking the test.  I think it’s a good idea and promotes Britishosity and all that jazz….

But I think they should only ask questions that, umm, British people would be able to answer easily.  If they can’t… either the British education system isn’t what it should be, or the test isn’t really what it purports to be.

/end rant
/begin study

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In browsing the Blogosphere lately, I’ve run into some really obnoxious crap, and wonder if I’m just crabby beyong belief, or if this stuff is as annoying as I think it is.  I wasn’t going to write about this at first, for fear of alienating all those people out there who are visiting my blog for the first time, but then I decided that I can live with it.

Blogs I won’t go back to:

1.  Mommy goes on and on about trivial crap their kid does that annoys them.  Yeah, I have a kid too.  They all do it.  It isn’t interesting.

2.  Person whines about …. well…. anything.  No whining!

3.  Person advertises humor blog, but then lapses into blah blah blah about how their life sucks.  (See #2). 

4.  Details about surgery / medical procedures / bowel movements / you get the picture.  We.  Don’t.  Want.  To.  Know.  If you write about crap like that, please don’t advertise your blog on one of the big blog networks as “funny stories about life”.  Your ass isn’t as funny as you think it is.

5.  Blog posts are 30 paragraphs long.  This isn’t literature, and it isn’t ace reporting… it’s you talking about yourself.  It’s like having an annoying aquaintence that talks incessantly and doesn’t even pause for breaths to let you get a word in edgewise.

So is it just me?  Or do these things annoy you too?

Don’t worry.. I’ll go back to being funny tomorrow. 

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When visiting MAD KANE recently, I read this article about how Brits smell WORSE when they aren’t smoking.  Seriously.  She wrote a limerick about it that shouldn’t be missed.

Artificial scents are set to be pumped into British pubs to mask the smell of stale beer, sweat and other odours previously camouflaged by cigarette smoke, a newspaper reports.

Mitchells and Butlers, which runs about 2,000 pubs across Britain, is testing leather, freshly cut grass, and ocean breeze fragrances in its premises since a ban on smoking in enclosed public space began in England on July 1, The Sunday Times reports.

From: ABC

Am I the only one that finds this utterly repulsive?  Folks, go home and take a bath.  Bar owners, invest in some Domestos.  Or just some bleach for christ’s sake.

So the big plan is to cover up the smell.  Isn’t this just indicitive of everything that’s wrong with us?  When we have a blemish, we buy concealer, when we get a wrinkle, we buy some deminishing cream, when we get sweaty, we wear deoderant…. and on goes the list.

What is it about us that prevents us from tackling the SOURCE of all this, rather than just trying to pretend it isn’t happening (or at the very least preventing other people from knowing it’s happening)?  Oh yeah.. we’re freaking lazy.

Leather and mown grass indeed.

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All I have to say about this article is that the guy was a total freaking moron.  The fact that he responds by wanting to sue (read:blame) someone else, just shows that he deserves what he’s getting.

A Texas man is suing 1-800-Flowers for $1 million, saying the company is to blame for his pending divorce.

After Leroy Greer’s wife filed for divorce in January 2006, he began seeing another woman and sent his new girlfriend a dozen long-stemmed roses. But a few months after the flowers were sent, Greer reconciled with his wife, and she moved back in to his Missouri City home, according to Greer’s lawyer, Kennitra Foote.

That was, until his wife received a thank-you note from 1-800-Flowers.

From Court TV

I have no patience for people who cheat.  Not that it’s immoral, more that it’s STUPID.  And LAZY.  (Morality is for the judgement of people more wholesome than I.  Stupidity and laziness though… that is just wrong.)

His wife’s reply: Be a man.

My reply: Own up.  Shut up.  And pay the Dumbass Tax.

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There’s some times when you’ve just had enough.  I’m not a violent person, and I don’t like people who say things like “just blow the #$!&(% off the map!” as a way of dealing with the complex issues we face in the world, but sometimes, we’ve all just been pushed to the limit.

Aug. 10, 2007, 7:22PM
Woman ‘went crazy’ in attack on karaoke singer

Associated Press

SEATTLE — A woman attacked a karaoke singer belting out Coldplay on Thursday night, telling him he “sucked” before she pushed and punched him to get him to stop singing, bar staff said.

The man was singing “Yellow” when it happened.

“It took three or four of us to hold her down,” bartender Robert Willmette said.

When she was escorted outside, the 21-year-old woman “went crazy,” Willmette said, throwing punches at him and others, including an off-duty police officer.

Patrol officers and detectives then arrived at the neighborhood bar and blocked off the street, which inflamed the woman’s rage even more, a police report said. Before police could handcuff the woman, she headbutted the off-duty officer at least twice.

The off-duty officer was treated for cuts, scrapes and bruises.

After treatment for injuries, the woman was booked into the King County jail for investigation of assault. She was also held on a warrant issued for a previous theft charge.

According to bartender notes, she had only a single shot of Jägermeister.

Although I can’t see inviting someone with such a volitile temper over to my house, I have to say, I do believe the defense could make a pretty good case that she was provoked.

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