I just got a note (okay I got it 2 weeks ago) asking me to “thumbs up” something on StumbleUpon. It was an article about procrastination, and how to deal with it and what it all means, etc. I did give it the “thumbs up”, but not because I agreed with a single word of it.

So, back to my “Quick Tips”! Haven’t done one for a while.

Quick Tip #5: Dealing With Procrastination

If you’re procrastinating (i.e. not doing something) it’s most likely because you’re trying to make yourself do something you really don’t want to do in the first place. Quit doing that, and that ooky feeling (called “guilt”) goes away!

You know, life doesn’t have to be so complicated.

Like This? Then Show Some Love:

In general, unless you’re a schoolteacher (and at the moment in the process of executing that job), I find it pretty rude to correct other people’s spelling. (Probably this has something to do with the fact that I’m not a good speller myself.  Case in point: I had to look up persuer for this very article.)  Not everyone can spell. Not everyone has English as a first language. So as long as their idea comes across, I don’t care how people do it.

However!

Sometimes it matters.  The following are all examples I’ve seen recently, and… seriously… it’s worth a mention.

“I’m waiting with baited/bated breath.”
Baited means you’ve been eating worms.
Bated means to abate, to lessen, to hold back, i.e. “I can’t breathe.”

Example #2:

“I am tired of looser/loser old men hitting on me.”
Looser means un-tight.  In other words, they might have bowel problems.
Loser means un-winner.

Example #3:

“Please bare/bear with me.”
Bare means naked.  So it turns the phrase into a proposition.
Bear means “hang tight”.  More or less.

Learn these. Trust me.  Unless of course you’re a worm-eating, naked-lovin’ person with bowel afflicted persuers.  In which case, as you were.

Like This? Then Show Some Love:

Although we’re technically Blogging for Bitter Women, this one is for the guys.

Quick Tip #3: There is NO Bank

Women might indicate otherwise, for motives I wouldn’t care to speculate on, but when it comes to earning “points” with the woman in your life, there is no bank.  The credit you earn now is the credit you have.   You can’t point back to a good thing you did a week ago and say “But hey I did the dishes without being asked last week.”  It don’t work that way.

Now some might consider this cruel, but it’s not… it’s just simply the way it is, and the sooner you understand the truth of the Chick Point System, the sooner you will be able to achieve the happy status of understanding you so desire.

Let me give you an example:

1. Monday:  Buy flowers for her.  + 10 points
2. Tuesday: Do dishes without being asked +5 points (Assuming this is a point of contention or something you don’t normally do.) Note: This gets fewer points than flowers because you dont’ have to leave the house or spend money to do it.
3. Wednesday: Give her fantastic, thoughful, multi-orgasmic sex. +10 points. (Although you don’t have to leave the house or spend money for this one… hey.. it’s good orgasms.  Shut up.)
4. Thursday: Remember to put gas/diesel in the car on the way home, knowing that she’s going to be using the car first thing in the morning and won’t want to have to stop.  +15 points.

Now.. the quiz… On Friday morning, how many points does he have?

The novice would look at that and say, “Easy… 40 points!”  Oh, you poor, dear soul.  ;))

The correct answer: 0 points.

Don’t cry to me about it.  You should thank me for explaining this.  You got credits for what you did on Monday-Thursday, no doubt, but just remember.. there is no bank.

Remember this, and your life will get easier.  Promise.

(My apologies, by the way, for all the contextual Google  “Get Cheap Credit” ads that are undoubtedly going to be appearing for this one!)

Like This? Then Show Some Love:

Continuing my tradition of giving little tidbits of advice that might help our Dear Bitter Readers….

Quick Tip #2: Cat Fights

If, at 4 in the morning, you hear the ungodly noises of cats fighting outside your window, do NOT under any circumstances climb out the window to run them off, even if your bedroom windows, like mine, appear easy to climb out of being reasonably large and low to the ground.

1. It’s likely that in the dark and your sleep-hazed frame of mind, you could step on dog shit and/or the dead bird left for you by the member of your household involved in said cat fight.
2. Said cat, being in a hissy state, might not feel endebted or even slightly grateful to be picked up and hauled toward the window.
3. Finding oneself outside a locked house, in one’s jammies, at 4 in the morning, holding a hissy cat, one might find it much harder to climb INTO the window than it was to climb OUT.

Nobody said gaining life experience was always what we expected it would be. It was a very very very long night last night.

The Culprit

Like This? Then Show Some Love:

Over on my new geek blog for bloggers I added something called “Quick Tips”, meant to be very short posts with some zippy, specific advice for web nuts who write internet such and such.

I’ve realised that I have some quick tips that would be great for Bitter Women too!

Quick Tip #1

People who start sentences with the phrases “I’m the kind of person that…” or “I’ve always believed that….” are getting ready to tell you something catastophically boring.

Like This? Then Show Some Love: