I want you all to know how traumatised I was to find out that the McDonald’s advert hamburgers were not, erm, actual food. Thanks Wendy and Brent for shattering my illusions!

Considering that in Britain, our Office of Trading Standards forced a cosmetics company to put “false eyelashes used” on the “after” picture of a mascara ad, I can’t believe that they allow people to sell us food by enticing us with plastic and play-doh. It really makes me quite nauseous. That’s like showing a BMW to advertise for a VW dealership. But not, because at least you can drive a VW, but you can’t eat plastic and play-doh. Well you can, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

There are just some illusions I want to keep, thank you very much. Because I have to confess that every time I went into a new McDonald’s location, I thought, yes, maybe this is the home of the fabled appetizing hamburger. Now there’s no point in even looking anymore.

Next thing you know you’re going to tell me there’s no point in watching mushrooms at night.

*sigh*

You people are just so mean!

*sigh*

Like This? Then Show Some Love:

             A guy named Mitch Altman invented  the gadget of our dreams that he calls “TV-B-Gone” — countless frequent travelers before him have surely wished for a way to turn off all those obnoxious TVs yammering away at us in bars, lounges, and waiting rooms.

            Remember sitting on a sticky plastic couch, near death’s door, eyes running, head throbbing, chest aching—in the doctor’s waiting room only to be assailed by “The Jerry Springer Show” featuring two fat women from Arkansas or Tennessee pulling each other’s hair, whilst revealing a bit of butt-crack during the fracas, arguing over who done whom wrong with whose “man?”

           Or, you’ve nicely handled the news that still another flight had to be cancelled due to whatever, decide to console yourself with a small drink and nice meal, only to view–in living color–an autopsey on one of America’s proliferation of CSI shows. (How they can scheduled them to fit the dinner hour is uncanny.)

           Well, it had to happen! Mitch had all he could stand, marched right out to the garage, down to the basement or the workshop and whips out a “TV-B-Gone.”

           Manufactured by Cornfield Industries and available through Amazon.com and your nearby Target store.

           Life just doesn’t get better than this (unless, of course, all masters of all Jerry Springer-like shows vanished into the ether….as though someone had invented, say, the “Garbage-B-Gone.”)  Imagine how much fun it would be at home – if you happen to be married to a Remote-Hog–even if you can’t change the channel with it, you can turn it off.  Failing that, just buy yourself a universal remote, program it and keep it behind that little pink cushion you use behind your behind. He’ll never find it there.  Cheers, girl friends.

Like This? Then Show Some Love:

From my last article where I mentioned control freaks, I found there was at least one person who disagreed that such a concept was bad. Then I ran across this, and just had to share it with you.

I can’t decide if it’s funnier that this is listed on a site for Valentine Gift Ideas , or that it was actually my husband that showed it to me.  Oh and if you’re serious about wanting one, it IS a British site, but I checked.. they will ship to the US. 

The buttons are a tad hard to read.  According to their site, they say things like:

• Listen,
• Stop Snoring
• Talk about Feelings
• Tell the Truth
• Propose

Personally, I’d like one that was a tad more universal, because if I was going to get to push buttons that would make people do things, I wouldn’t limit it to men, and I’d want to say things like:

• Shut up
• Ummm, shut up
• But mostly: shut up.

If I could control just those three things about people, I’d be in heaven.

Like This? Then Show Some Love:

WARNING: If you are a man, a mommyblogger, and/or of delicate nature, you may wish to avert your eyes now. In fact, I’m even going to add a “more” tag to this, because I’d hate to think you got blindsided with details that might upset the balance of your life. I swore I’d never post about ooky things, like diapers and diarrhea, and as far as I’m concered, menstruation falls in the category of things we really don’t need to discuss, however after stumbling across a Mommyblog this weekend, I feel a serious rant burning a hole in my brain, so I’m breaking the rules. By the way, if you want to write me something hateful which I will most definitely ignore, please write to bitterwomen [at] bloggerbingo [dot] com.

DISCLAIMER: I’m sure there are a hecka-lotta intelligent mommybloggers out there. I have met a few, including AnEnglishMum , among others. If you are one and know some others, you could form a “I’m a Mommyblogger But Don’t Have My Head Up My Ass” club. If such a club already exists, please let me know, and I’ll give them a link.

So… click below if you want to read on from here….

(more…)

Like This? Then Show Some Love:

I’m a geek. I admit that. I own more websites than I have fingers (maybe toes too, if you count domain names without homes.) But ZENO , the new robot from Hanson Robotics just creeps me out to high heaven.

Maybe this is why:

CHUCKY	ZENO

And in addition to being creepily adorable, according to the website, he “sees, hears, talks and remembers who you are”. So he’s a little stalker. I had always envisioned being stalked by someone tall, dark, handsome, and as obsessed with Boston Cream Pie as I am, but I suppose fantasty rarely meets reality, and I’ve probably got the best chances with this lightning-eyebrowed chucky thing.

If this isn’t enough, Hanson is developing a line called Humankind. Info from website: “Our bio-inspired HumanKind robots are world renowned for their amazing interactivity and conversational capabilities, which has placed them at the leading edge of life-like technologies in both appearance and behavior.”

Human-like behaviour? Great. This means we have a whole NEW race of drama-queens to deal with who leave snarky comments, stalk your websites, calls your mother and tell her you’re either losing or gaining weight (whichever will distress her more.. my mother freaks out at either situation)… they’ll probably make Humankind reality shows, and then next thing you know those metal-heads will start blogging about how to make money blogging.

P.S. I just noticed as I was finishing this up that ZENO already has his own blog .

This isn’t a paid blog post, but it really really shoulda been. Somebody owes me a pie.

Like This? Then Show Some Love: