There are certain signs that in our society, even the criminals are watching too much TV.  I saw a special on the Crime and Investigation network the other day and they were talking about a real New Jersey mob family who was convinced The Sopranos was based on them, and began watching it religiously to see if someone was leaking information, or as they call it in the ‘industry’, squealing.

The latest evidence that someone has spent too much time watching Sherlock Holmes on A&E (although I do confess a certain affection for Jeremy Brett), is this news story:

LAKEWOOD, Colo. (AP) — Two men who allegedly tried to use rattlesnakes as deadly weapons to collect on a debt have been charged with conspiracy to commit murder, authorities said.

Read the full article here

Rattlesnakes?  I suppose the silver lining in this story of utter dumbassishness is to point out that perhaps the waiting times for gun purchases are, after all, having an effect. 

It also goes to show that although I support the concept of strict regulation on the sale of guns and ammunition, that you really can’t prevent people from trying to kill each other, and you certainly can’t legislate them out of being stupid. 

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When visiting MAD KANE recently, I read this article about how Brits smell WORSE when they aren’t smoking.  Seriously.  She wrote a limerick about it that shouldn’t be missed.

Artificial scents are set to be pumped into British pubs to mask the smell of stale beer, sweat and other odours previously camouflaged by cigarette smoke, a newspaper reports.

Mitchells and Butlers, which runs about 2,000 pubs across Britain, is testing leather, freshly cut grass, and ocean breeze fragrances in its premises since a ban on smoking in enclosed public space began in England on July 1, The Sunday Times reports.

From: ABC

Am I the only one that finds this utterly repulsive?  Folks, go home and take a bath.  Bar owners, invest in some Domestos.  Or just some bleach for christ’s sake.

So the big plan is to cover up the smell.  Isn’t this just indicitive of everything that’s wrong with us?  When we have a blemish, we buy concealer, when we get a wrinkle, we buy some deminishing cream, when we get sweaty, we wear deoderant…. and on goes the list.

What is it about us that prevents us from tackling the SOURCE of all this, rather than just trying to pretend it isn’t happening (or at the very least preventing other people from knowing it’s happening)?  Oh yeah.. we’re freaking lazy.

Leather and mown grass indeed.

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All I have to say about this article is that the guy was a total freaking moron.  The fact that he responds by wanting to sue (read:blame) someone else, just shows that he deserves what he’s getting.

A Texas man is suing 1-800-Flowers for $1 million, saying the company is to blame for his pending divorce.

After Leroy Greer’s wife filed for divorce in January 2006, he began seeing another woman and sent his new girlfriend a dozen long-stemmed roses. But a few months after the flowers were sent, Greer reconciled with his wife, and she moved back in to his Missouri City home, according to Greer’s lawyer, Kennitra Foote.

That was, until his wife received a thank-you note from 1-800-Flowers.

From Court TV

I have no patience for people who cheat.  Not that it’s immoral, more that it’s STUPID.  And LAZY.  (Morality is for the judgement of people more wholesome than I.  Stupidity and laziness though… that is just wrong.)

His wife’s reply: Be a man.

My reply: Own up.  Shut up.  And pay the Dumbass Tax.

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There’s some times when you’ve just had enough.  I’m not a violent person, and I don’t like people who say things like “just blow the #$!&(% off the map!” as a way of dealing with the complex issues we face in the world, but sometimes, we’ve all just been pushed to the limit.

Aug. 10, 2007, 7:22PM
Woman ‘went crazy’ in attack on karaoke singer

Associated Press

SEATTLE — A woman attacked a karaoke singer belting out Coldplay on Thursday night, telling him he “sucked” before she pushed and punched him to get him to stop singing, bar staff said.

The man was singing “Yellow” when it happened.

“It took three or four of us to hold her down,” bartender Robert Willmette said.

When she was escorted outside, the 21-year-old woman “went crazy,” Willmette said, throwing punches at him and others, including an off-duty police officer.

Patrol officers and detectives then arrived at the neighborhood bar and blocked off the street, which inflamed the woman’s rage even more, a police report said. Before police could handcuff the woman, she headbutted the off-duty officer at least twice.

The off-duty officer was treated for cuts, scrapes and bruises.

After treatment for injuries, the woman was booked into the King County jail for investigation of assault. She was also held on a warrant issued for a previous theft charge.

According to bartender notes, she had only a single shot of Jägermeister.

Although I can’t see inviting someone with such a volitile temper over to my house, I have to say, I do believe the defense could make a pretty good case that she was provoked.

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I wonder how the husband reacted to this… 

ELMIRA, N.Y. (AP) — A woman who was quick with the bargains at her rummage sale mistakenly accepted 50 cents for a ceramic turtle with the ashes of her husband’s previous wife inside.

Now, Anita Lewis is desperately searching for the buyer who said she planned to use the urn as a cookie jar.

Lewis said she had hauled items into her yard early Saturday while her husband slept. The buyer quickly selected the large turtle container, despite being unable to get the lid open.

From This Article 

I think for most of us, things like this would signal that maybe it’s time to let go.  Who knows if the woman did it on purpose, consciously or subconsciously, but I would imagine it’s difficult to live in the shadow of another woman’s turtle.

When someone dies, we so often turn them into a saint, set up shrines, and hang on to them even tighter than we did in life.  But then I’ve also found that we hang on to the living sometimes more enthusiastically than we should.  What’s so wrong about letting go and moving on?

I’ll confess I’m not a packrat, and most of the ‘memory’ type things I have, I keep not because they mean much to me, but because they mean something to other people.  If it was up to me, I think I’d just shred the lot.

We cling to the past, but why?   Why is it so important to send a Christmas card to someone we knew in High School, attend reunions, watch retrospectives, plan memorials, and so on and so on and so on.

I think it’s high time we all set those turtles free.  I hope and pray that when I die, I DO end up as someone’s cookie jar.  In fact, I can’t think of anything better.

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