I’m a geek. I admit that. I own more websites than I have fingers (maybe toes too, if you count domain names without homes.) But ZENO , the new robot from Hanson Robotics just creeps me out to high heaven.

Maybe this is why:

CHUCKY	ZENO

And in addition to being creepily adorable, according to the website, he “sees, hears, talks and remembers who you are”. So he’s a little stalker. I had always envisioned being stalked by someone tall, dark, handsome, and as obsessed with Boston Cream Pie as I am, but I suppose fantasty rarely meets reality, and I’ve probably got the best chances with this lightning-eyebrowed chucky thing.

If this isn’t enough, Hanson is developing a line called Humankind. Info from website: “Our bio-inspired HumanKind robots are world renowned for their amazing interactivity and conversational capabilities, which has placed them at the leading edge of life-like technologies in both appearance and behavior.”

Human-like behaviour? Great. This means we have a whole NEW race of drama-queens to deal with who leave snarky comments, stalk your websites, calls your mother and tell her you’re either losing or gaining weight (whichever will distress her more.. my mother freaks out at either situation)… they’ll probably make Humankind reality shows, and then next thing you know those metal-heads will start blogging about how to make money blogging.

P.S. I just noticed as I was finishing this up that ZENO already has his own blog .

This isn’t a paid blog post, but it really really shoulda been. Somebody owes me a pie.

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 I had no idea that Amazon.com sold so many ass products.  Not to mention other products for your shopping pleasure:

1. Anal Douche
2. Anal Eaze Cherry Flavor Desensitizing Numbing Gel  (Because not everyone likes the taste of ass, I suppose… And desensitizing?  Now I’m not all up on ass products and the uses thereof, but if someone was going to taste your ass, wouldn’t the whole point be so that you would feel it?  But I’m no expert.)
3. Ejaculoid 1 Bottle 60 Pills Semen/Orgasm Volumizer Like Ogoplex   Now maybe it’s just me… but I’ve never said to a partner… gee that was nice, I just wish there had been more juicy gush.  Besides, this sounds like something you’d get spam emails about.
4. Golden Girl Anal Jelly  Does this mean its endorsed by Bea Arthur?

There’s all kinds of other products… lubes and probes and vibrators, fuzzy handcuffs, suppliments and condiments… or were those condom-mints?

I’m not opposed to amazon having a ‘Sexual Health’ section, and it saves us from having to go to seedy websites to get such things (unless you happened to be there anyway, of course), or horror of horrors, actually walk into an adult store like… umm.. an adult.

What shocks me is that there is a whole side of amazon that I’d never seen before!  Here I’ve been just floating on the surface of books and dvd’s, blissfully unaware of the butt-plug underworld of the “Personal Care” section.  I somehow feel more street-wise, more savvy and sophisticated, like I now know some grown-up secret, or have the password to a speakeasy.

Enjoy!

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I’ve never gotten nominated for any blogging awards, but I think I see a serious gap in the Blog Award market.  You know… REAL awards…. awards for the things you actually think when you read a blog.

When I read a blog, I don’t think “that’s the best humor blog” or “she’s a hot mommy-blogger”, I think, “Holy Crap, your life sucks”.

Which is why I came up with this:

I’ll put them in the ‘Awards’ page of the blog.  Feel free to award this to anyone you like!  Ha!  I’ll even put a link to their site on the Bitter Women Awards Page.

More to come! 

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I’ve been reading guides on blogs, blogging, and how to get more traffic to your blog.   After all, no one wants to write and write and write if no one is reading it.  Right?

Here are some helpful hints for my bitter fans:

What They Won’t Tell You In Guides For Bloggers

1.  Most Guides About Getting Traffic Are Written To Get More Traffic For The Author.  While in general it’s understandable, you have to keep in mind that they don’t necessarily know what they’re talking about.

2.  Most Guides Are On Sites I Wouldn’t Go Back To.  Seriously.  Before you start reorganising based on someone else’s advice, you might want to see if their site is all that. (Shut up.  I know no one uses that expression anymore.)

3.  Most of These People are Relentless Ass-kissers.  I have no idea why, but they don’t seem to tell you what doesn’t work… only how great such-and-such a service is.  My guess is that they use that service and are hoping that if they can get more people to sign up, it’ll boost their traffic.  See a trend?

I haven’t been doing this all that long, but I do watch my stats to see what works and what doesn’t, and I’ll share with you the little tidbits I’ve found:

1.  Not all blogger networks are worth your time.  If you’re going to clutter up your sidebar with tacky widgets for them (hey I do it too), don’t waste the space on ones that don’t work.  I found that Blogcatalog.com, MyBlogLog.com, and to a lesser extent TheGoodBlogs.com all are decent.  I wouldn’t bother with Blogorama.  I’ve tried about 10-15 different ones, and those were the only ones that brought me more than a couple clicks.    (Oh, and avoid “Others Online”.  I dunno if they work or not, but they make you install a toolbar in your browser.  It made my browser SO slow, and I found it difficult to turn off.   I have a word for that: spyware.)

2.  Put a widget on your posts to allow people to Digg, StumbleUpon, etc your posts.  Yesterday someone put one of my posts on SU, and I got 400 new visitors just from that.  I was so encouraged by that, that I’ve started trying to build up my Stumble Upon network.  You can find me at http://jaynemc.stumbleupon.com/  Feel free to add me as a friend.  If you do, I’ll visit your blog, and if I like it, I’ll Stumble it.  If you’re funny enough to like Bitter Women, no doubt I’ll like your blog too.   SU does require a toolbar, but it doesn’t seem to slow down my browser or cause any problems at all. 

3.  Sponsored Listings: Not worth it!  I put in a bid to be a $15/month sponsor of the ‘Humor’ category on BlogCatalog.com.  I thought that surely hundreds if not thousands of people would come rushing in.  It did NOT work.  In four days of having it up, I’ve gotten only a small handful of people that found me that way. I wish I’d saved the money and bought myself a Boston Cream Pie or five.

4.  Most people so far  have found me through me leaving comments elsewhere.  Yeah, looks like the old-fashioned way of making friends is still the best.  This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though.  I’ve found some awesome-funny blogs out there. 

Let me know if you have helpful hints!  We can help each other a lot better than these so-called “experts” methinks!

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I made the theme for this blog when I first started it, but barely a day goes by that I don’t think about changing the theme, redoing the graphics, tweaking this or that and it’s really only a matter of the strictest self-control that I’ve managed NOT to change the theme every single day for the past three months.

I have a feeling I’m not the only one, or else there wouldn’t be 22,489,243,920 sites out there that advertise themes.  I’ve even considered paying $51 for one that would just need a couple new imges, some slight tweaking… blah blah blah.. good lord.

I’ve seen some fabulous looking blogs and some so-so blogs, and the truth is, if the content is good I really don’t care if people use canned themes… so why oh why am I so obsessed.

Ahem.. and don’t be surprised if I redo the site within the next month!  I’m breaking!

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