Author Archive

res ipsa loquiter

Ask anyone; I’ve done some dumbassed things in my time. Have been accused, at times, of being slick-as-a-weasel in explaining away heinous–albeit harmless and/or stupid–acts.  However, is it just me or does this guy take the Cake for Dumb-Assedness.

Darren Mack, 46, pleading guilty in Las Vegas in November to murdering his wife, and also accepting a judgment for attempting to kill the judge handling his divorce (after first insisting on his innocence): “I do understand … in my (current) state of mind that shooting at the judiciary is not a proper form of political redress.” [Las Vegas Review-Journal, 11-5-07]

What the HELL was he thinking? Does he mean, maybe, that being sorry should be enough for taking a shot at the Judge after he was found guilty of murdering his wife. instead of something reasonable like, oh, ”listening to his Higher Angels” and filing an Appeal to a higher court or, maybe, simply voting against hizonner when he next stands for re-election?

What do you think,  Bitter Readers?   Is it me? Or maybe this guy’s lock-and-load attitude reflects current stress management practices.  Nevermind! It’s prob’ly just me.

Turkey’s Head Cake*

Ingredients                                                                                    

1      cup                    chopped, toasted pecans or walnuts
1     18-1/2 oz            yellow cake mix
1     4-serving size      instant vanilla pudding mix
4      large                  eggs
1/2   cup                    cold milk*
1/2   cup                    Canola or vegetable oil
1/2   cup                    Bacardi dark rum **

Directions:
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.  For Celsius, you’re on your own.
Grease and flour 12-cup Bundt or tube pan.  Sprinkle nuts on bottom of pan.
Combine all cake ingredients. Beat for 2 minutes on high with electric mixer.
Pour batter into prepared tube pan.

Bake for 1 hour or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean.

Cool in pan.  Invert on serving plate.

Prick top with long-tined fork or thin skewer.

Glaze
1/2   cup                    butter
1/4   cup                    water
1      cup                    sugar
1/2   cup                    Bacardi dark rum *  I substitute Jack Daniels black label.

In heavy saucepan, melt stick of butter; add water & sugar.  Stir while bringing to a low boil (that cannot be stirred down, but does not ‘climb’ the sides of the pan.  Stir continuously for five minutes.  Remove from heat. Stir in Rum. CAREFUL: it will fizz and roll. Drizzle glaze over top of cake. Use brush or spoon to put extra dripping back on cake.

*   Yep, the milk needs to be cold.  

** Safe for all. Alcohol evaporates in cooking.

Notes: I’ve made this cake for Thanksgiving and Christmas since I was a young mother. Found it in a magazine. In this one, the glaze is the star—makes a sweet crusty top—and the longer one glazes it and keeps it, the better.  More pecans is better, too.

This freezes well—although, how would I know? It is David’s favorite—I’ve heard that it keeps well (the Rum), ships well.

                     One year early on, I rapped on it with my knuckles and proclaimed it was “hard as a turkey’s head” hence, the name. It is, in reality, the Bacardi Rum Cake.

  • 1 Comment
  • Filed under: Humor
  • Another Beauty Queen Meltdown

    …I get up this morning, have a little coffee, eat my Wheaties and see what’s going on. There it is again!  More young women whose lives revolve around appearances and baton twirling making the guys of the WWE Friday Night Smackdown look like the boys of summer. Confirming the points made in “America’s 21st Century “Cinderella,” is an AP report dated 11/25/07, Puerto Rico:

    Beauty pageant organizers were investigating Sunday who doused a contestant’s evening gowns with pepper spray and spiked her makeup, causing her to break out in hives.   …more…

    Tell ya what I’m gonna do …in protest….I plan to spend today in my pajamas and bathrobe…just like yesterday and the day before….   As my uncle Grunkle used to say, “Greatgod-amighty.”

  • 1 Comment
  • Filed under: News, Bitter Women
  • First, I want you to know that I’m as romantic as the next girl while bearing in mind I also have a practical streak; I can appreciate doing the right thing for the wrong reason. When a couple-dozen of America’s young women are willing to compete ON TV for cash prizes, 15-minutes-of-Fame, and a marriage proposal from a total stranger, well, I get choked up. It’s the American Way

    [Note: having burned my bra in the day and learned to be proud of who I AM, such as it is, as opposed to piggy-backing my worth based on my hubby’s accomplishments, I’ve long since developed a sour taste for those whose human development isn’t as it might be with a little effort.]

    What I’m saying is, does it surprise you that a beauty queen wannabe, a Cheerleader–ferchristsake–for a pro-football team, would join the ranks of those competing for the glass slipper….er….ring and proposal from The Bachelor.

    The Bachelor is an original one hour prime-time reality television series that gives one man and 25 women the unique opportunity to find true love in a most exciting and adventurous way. The Bachelor will get to know the 25 women in a series of fun, exciting and exotic dates that will elicit real and raw emotions. Along the way he must follow a gradual process of elimination, as his…

    Now, for the happily ever after part.  You’re gonna love this.  Mary Delgado, winner of The Bachelor proposal in 2004, was arrested two days after Thanksgiving for punching out the man she lives with, whom she describes as her fiance (after living with him for three years.)  The reason for the assault wasn’t given, nor her fiance’s name–however, it WAS NOT The Bachelor who proposed to her in ‘04.  She was released from the pokey a short while later.  Ah, romance.

    I don’t know about you, but I like my fairy tales with happier endings–after all, the original Cinderella was a mistreated, hard-working stepchild for whom all ended well. Even if you prefer Liberation Literature, it’s plainly not nice to punch a guy’s lights out, spend time in the slammer for it, then expect to ride away in a mouse-drawn pumpkin.  But that’s just me; I could be wrong.

    Who Wants to Live Forever?

    Here I thought I’d have to search for nutty things they are trying to get us to do. Indeed, not!

    Today’s headline is “Can Your Diet Make You Young?”  WHAT NOW?  It isn’t enough that  we females, Bitter or otherwise, from when we’re just out of our nappies are brainwashed to moisturize, avoid UV rays (which requires living like a vole, if I’m understanding correctly), stay slim, keep our sexual appetites healthy and vigorous, “put out” often, garden organically, design & decorate our homes with impressing others in mind, and attend university so we might excel in a profession (and the snootier, the better.)  BWs are also encouraged in ways to keep households free of chemicals, to think green  to save the planet, and, oh, did I mention “stay slim”?

    Having faced down facism wherever we encountered it, dieted to fit into our wedding gowns on our 25th anniversaries (did I mention “stay slim”?), we are now to believe that a specific diet can (and will) make us young.

    I have a question for them: What about all the cash I shelled out for nips and tucks, facials, makeup, push-up bras? What about all the gym memberships, not to mention the wardrobe to wear at said gyms? Now someone is threatening to make me live longer?  Do THEY have any idea how long it has been since my sagging ass was pinched by someone who didn’t accidentally crowd me on a bus?

    NO!  Hell, NO!  This is just another goddam con job; we won’t live longer. As was the case with all that other crap they said I should become or do in order to justify taking up space on the planet, it won’t actually make me live longer. It’ll just seem longer.


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