The last couple of days I’ve been talking about life, expectations, and hamburgers.

Well, apparantly I’m not the only one with unrealistic expectations. My son put on his gift wish list that he wanted a “shock gun”. The way this site works is that you can add stuff from any site to your wish list, so I clicked the link and it took me to the site where I could buy it. The description is:

Running around like a couple of kids going “bang bang” with laser guns is, well, quite fun. But where’s the fear? Where’s the adrenalin? If you’re going to play silly buggers there’s got to be an edge - you have to have something to make your heart beat faster. Otherwise you might as well grab a bag of nachos and flop in front of the box.

Well, this Shocking Guns kit adds that vital kick. Two players, two chunky guns, and two ‘target’ plates you wear on your chest are all the kit you need. Now when you shoot your mate (and you better make sure it’s that way round), instead of there just being a lame beep, your mate gets an electric shock through the handle of their gun. Now, how neat is that?!

Is he OUT OF HIS MIND???? Does he actually think I might buy him a gun that would electrocute his friends?

Apparantly so.

And yes, we’re doing Christmas lists (for him) already, but only because we have family overseas and shipping takes a while.

I’m one of these people that gripes every year about Christmas creeping up earlier and earlier. [insert standard rant here] However, Americans should count themselves lucky. At least you have the Thanksgiving barrier. Here we have nothing. I went into a bakers the other day to get some goodies, and they had, I kid you not, bat cookies left over from the day before, I suppose (This was November 1st, I recall), and they also had…. Christmas cakes. I commented on it, and the lady behind the counter said “Well it IS only 8 weeks away. People need the extra time to get ready.”

Statements like this make me think everyone else is planning big banquets and balls. Heck it didn’t take me 8 weeks to plan my wedding. But then that’s the kind of girl I am.

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I want you all to know how traumatised I was to find out that the McDonald’s advert hamburgers were not, erm, actual food. Thanks Wendy and Brent for shattering my illusions!

Considering that in Britain, our Office of Trading Standards forced a cosmetics company to put “false eyelashes used” on the “after” picture of a mascara ad, I can’t believe that they allow people to sell us food by enticing us with plastic and play-doh. It really makes me quite nauseous. That’s like showing a BMW to advertise for a VW dealership. But not, because at least you can drive a VW, but you can’t eat plastic and play-doh. Well you can, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

There are just some illusions I want to keep, thank you very much. Because I have to confess that every time I went into a new McDonald’s location, I thought, yes, maybe this is the home of the fabled appetizing hamburger. Now there’s no point in even looking anymore.

Next thing you know you’re going to tell me there’s no point in watching mushrooms at night.

*sigh*

You people are just so mean!

*sigh*

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Well, the citizenship ceremony was a barrel of laughs. You might think I’m being sarcastic, but I’m really not. There were three other people other than my son and myself who were there to take part (plus a couple of visitors), two from Zimbabwe, bless them, and one from Brazil. Some of the funniest, not to mention goofiest, people I’ve met, and the woman running the ceremony just gave up on making it a solemn occasion, because nobody there was feeling particularly solemn. A good day out, overall.

Plus… I got a plate!

If you can’t read the inscription, it says “Presented by the Perth and Kinross Council on attaining British Citizenship”.  My son was disappointed he didn’t get a plate too, and the woman running the ceremony looked slightly concerned at his disappointment.  I told her not to worry, because he’d just put chips and cookies on it anyway.

And as hubby was driving us home, I examined the silver plate plate and pondered the inscription, thinking what a nice gesture it was, and I flipped it over … on the back it said… “Made in China”.   I guess the Scots are known for many wonderful things, but mass producing cheap commemorative knick-knacks isn’t one of them.

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Well, today is the big day. If you recall, back in August I took the British citizenship exam . Passed, of course, and today is the day I get to raise my right hand and swear my loyalty to queen and country or some such. I suppose it would be a good idea if I read the sweary bits before I go in, just in case I’m signing over my house or something.

I do recall however, that it starts out something like:

I do solemnly, sincerely and truly declare…

Really really truly truly I mean it I promise.

This is the option for people who, like myself, don’t feel comfortable with the “oath” version, in which you say something like:

I swear by Almighty God

So, you don’t have to bring the big guy into it… if you really really truly mean it.

Won’t be back this afternoon, because I’m planning to spend the afternoon finding out how to join the Scottish National Party… As soon as I really really truly swear my allegiance, I’m gonna hop on that Scottish separatist bandwagon and hoist the Saltire outside my house. We Scots have always been rebellious, and I have some catching up to do.

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Hello, dear friends! I’ve missed you so! Thanks very much especially to Hope who sent me a note yesterday wanting to make sure I was okay.

It’s been an incredibly rocky couple of weeks for me. I’ve been sick, my entire family has been sick, and priorities switched to things like keeping us all clean and fed. Nothing like a fever of 103 to make you readjust your “to do” list. I’m afraid 3 blogs was just too much for me for the last two weeks!

While sick I was sometimes at the computer, but find it difficult to be funny. Wait… scratch that. Word on the street is that I was incredibly funny. One night, apparantly, I was communicating psychicly with my cat. I gave a rousing speech on the color purple (the actual color.. not the film) and at least one or two of my friends seem to not be speaking to me anymore, although I’ve not been able to suss out why just yet. I’m sure I did something horrid.

I hesitated to post about my absence, not wanting my most recent post to be an “I’m not here” post, and instead let you mull about Suspicions for a while. Looks like you guys had fun without me!

So… I have some catching up to do, visiting and commenting those who’ve been here while I was gone, and trying to reawaken my bitchy side.

Meanwhile, I leave you with this thought….

Often in life, we don’t get what we expect.

But seriously… at what other place would we accept such a shabby version of what was advertised? If you went into a Jaguar dealership and picked out a shiny new X-type, and then when it was delivered, it had rust, dents, and scratches, would you take it anyway?

Why do we take it without complaint? Because of the price tag? McDonalds (although just about every fast food joint is guilty of the exact same thing) is eroding our self-respect one mushed-up, overcooked, lamp-heated, spat-in, 99 cent burger at a time.

And sadly, we call it “childrens food”. We must really really hate our kids.

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