For The Control Freaks
Author: Jayne20 Sep
From my last article where I mentioned control freaks, I found there was at least one person who disagreed that such a concept was bad. Then I ran across this, and just had to share it with you.
I can’t decide if it’s funnier that this is listed on a site for Valentine Gift Ideas , or that it was actually my husband that showed it to me. Oh and if you’re serious about wanting one, it IS a British site, but I checked.. they will ship to the US. 
The buttons are a tad hard to read. According to their site, they say things like:
- Listen,
- Stop Snoring
- Talk about Feelings
- Tell the Truth
- Propose
Personally, I’d like one that was a tad more universal, because if I was going to get to push buttons that would make people do things, I wouldn’t limit it to men, and I’d want to say things like:
- Shut up
- Ummm, shut up
- But mostly: shut up.
If I could control just those three things about people, I’d be in heaven.
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I think I’d need a 2 parter…
1. Fuck Off
2. And Die
I’d be needing
1) ok
2) and then?
Cause that’s what I use more often than anything. duh!
The thing is, though, it is a truth universally acknowledged that men hog the remotes - so you get it, try to use it on him and never get the chance ‘cos he will be hoarding it along with all the others…
Haha.. you guys are funny.
Yes, Agnes. Of course you could make it pink. For some reason men think that wearing/owning anything pink will make their dicks fall off.
…which, in itself, may NOT be such a bad thing.
I am not allowing another remote control into my house. Although, if it came in a lipstick case I might feel that it was mine only.
Some other suggestions could be:
1. Look at me when I am talking to you
2. Because I said so.
That way I could use it for husband and son.
Re: For some reason men think that wearing/owning anything pink will make their dicks fall off.
It’s true. It’s in the manual, page 4, paragraph 6. Written in pink crayon of course.
“Shut up… Ummm, shut up… But mostly: shut up.”
But what are you really trying to say?
oh this is a particularly bitter idea. good job jayne!
as for the remote control, it’s a scam. keaton bought one. tried it on me. she pressed, stop snoring. nothing happened. she pressed, talk about your feelings, i continued to eat my bran muffin blankly.
women are under the delusion that men have thoughts to control. we do not. we are, for the most part, empty headed. and we like it that way. we are wired from the groin up, not the other way. and i have to tell ya, there isn’t a remote control powerful enough to penetrate the penis. (now that would be a bitter remote control!)
your x-y friend,
bob
…jes shows what YOU know about penii and (sorry) penetration. No remote is even needed for this one; all she has to do–at the right moment–is smile and whisper in that hairy, testosterone-controlled ear, “Ok, sweetie, but do try not to repeat what happened last time.”
s-s-sh-shr-shrivel.
I got as much giggles out of your readers’ comments as I did the remote idea
haha..I use to need one of these. Not anymore though.
Can I request a Go to Hell button?
Haha… that’s a good idea.