Most everyone in the US will have heard of the Fox program “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader” and it seems we’re getting our own version in the UK called “Are You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old”

While I like the concept of the show: illustrating what morons most of us are and how we’ve lost touch with the basic knowledge we (possibly) learned in school by asking questions from 5th grade (and lower) textbooks about Social Studies, Science, Math, Geography, etc. :-??

Dunce

However the truth is, when we become adults, not only do the questions change, but the entire format of questions in our lives change.  It’s no longer “What is the capitol of…” but “Why on earth did X do that and what am I supposed to do now?”

I’d like to see 5th graders tackle the questions real life throws at you…

  • Your child calls you at 3 in the morning, drunk, when you thought they were asleep in their room.  What do you do?
    1. Go get them and tell them how much you love them.
    2. Go get them, but take a bucket because you dont’ want them puking in your new car and you just had it detailed.
    3. Wake your spouse and tell them it’s their turn for shit-detail.
    4. Tell them to get a cab.
  • Your husband tells you he fancies the male next-door neighbour.  What is the appropriate response?
    1. “Holy Christ, are you fucking with me?”
    2. “Okay, but only if I can play too.”
    3. “That’s okay, I have my attorney on speed-dial.”
    4. “Sorry, he’s straight.  I know because I’ve been sleeping with him for 2 years.”
  • Your dope-fiend boyfriend got high and won’t stop masturbating in front of your kids, despite your repeated pleas.
    1. Leave the house (with the kids)
    2. Leave the house (without the kids)
    3. Call the police and lock yourself in the basement until they arrive
    4. Stab him twice in the shoulder
  • You are a US Senator accused of lewd behaviour in public.  Do you:
    1. Deny you are gay.
    2. Explain it was accidental foot bumpage under the stall dividers.
    3. Accuse the police of entrapment.
    4. All of the above.
  • Your child has disappeared.  Do you:
    1. Call the police immediately.
    2. Sue the newspapers who say you might have killed him/her yourself.
    3. Hire a press agent.
    4. All of the above.

Actually.. nevermind… I don’t want to see 5th graders tackle those questions after all.  That’s why we’re the grown-ups.

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