10 Things I Want To Do (Before I Die)
Author: Jayne23 Aug
There was this thing, and someone asked me to do it, and then took it back and said nevermind. It was something about tagging and whatever. I don’t really get it, but the topic amused me anyway, so I’m going to do what I like, and the cow can kiss my ass.
The question was: What 10 Things Would You Like To Do Before You Die?
My answer was: Well, all the things I’d like to do, I’d like to do before I die. (Maybe that’s why she took back the ‘tag’ offer.)
1. Clean my desk. Oh you think I’m supposed to pick something momentous? Well, this freaking is. If I wouldn’t embarrass myself beyond all recognition and possibly blush myself to death, I’d post a picture.
2. Eat an entire Boston Cream Pie (by myself) in one sitting. I just can’t think of anything that sounds more decadent, and there hasn’t been nearly enough of that in my life.
3. Have really filthy sex. Oh… was this supposed to be something I’ve never done before? Nobody said that, dammit.
4. Spend an entire month naked. Do I really need to say why? I would think it would be obvious. I always chicken out around the time the postman arrives though.
5. Stalk some bitch. Okay there’s this woman I really despise. It’s sorta odd for me to despise anyone, because I’m pretty laid back and most people I just laugh at, but this woman really needs a good … something. I think I’d like to mail her a dead armadillo or something but I’ve watched too many episodes of CSI I know I’d probably get caught. But holy crap some people just need a dead armadillo.
6. Find the person who said “Half a million people can’t be wrong” in a particular recent commercial running here in the UK, and smack them up’side the head with a frying pan. (I have some really good, heavy pans.) In fact, anyone who asserts that any number of people can’t be wrong should be punished, and I’d like to be involved. I’ve found there’s no limit to the number of people who can be catastrophically incorrect.
7. Delete all incriminating files on my PC. This is just a good idea for anyone who is going to be dying. Your family doesn’t want to find that shit. Actually, I think I have a box of letters from ex’s that should visit a crematorium as well. (The box of letters… not the ex’s…. Although….)
8. Spend a year at sea. About as likely as me cleaning my desk, but it’s a lovely thought.
9. Learn to speak Italian. I could use the excersize.
10. Win the Lottery. I’d just like to see if it would, in fact, change me. It’s pretty much my last hope.
If you can think of 10 things you’d like to do, either now or before you die, post them on your blog, and let me know, and I’ll put a link to it here, and you can put a link to mine on yours, and we’ll just have some linky goodness.
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Wadda relief! You mean I only have to do TEN things before dying……..
About that “Bitch Stalking,” I agree there are some people who are so toxic it would be exhilarating to throw caution to …er.. wherever one throws caution… (probably that would be on a heap of cliches) and devise an ongoing secret–but humiliatingly public– persecution of said bitch that is equal to the fumes they put out. Talk about yer Carbon Footprint. If you’d really like to pursue it, with a snootful of single malt, I could forget I’m a lady. Oooo, there’s the first thing on MY list of things to do before I die: Stop holding back. Woohoo.
And, about that really filthy sex thang, Jayne, you go, Girl. ‘course, most bitter women would settle for sex with a partner who didn’t look like he/she was hacking his/her way through an extremely unpleasant landscaping job on a 100-degree August day in the American Southwest.
I agree with everything on your well-thought out list, save one: I would change the year at sea part (throwing up doesn’t suit me) and instead spend one day as a rogue police officer so I can arrest and beat the crap out of each and every stupid driver that tailgates, nods off in the fast lane, cuts me off or who sits behind me, then thinks it’s a race to move up to the front of the lane after we pull over for an emergency vehicle. In other words, road rage for the day. Ahhh! I feel better already!
“Half a million people can’t be wrong.”
But the other 60 million are!
Will I still get internet access at sea?
wow, it’s like you’re inside my head, only you’re really small because I bet if you were in my head, you’d probably make it fall over. Not that you’re heavy or anything, but I think it’s a general rule that people are bigger than heads. Unless we’re speaking figuratively, because if that’s the case, man do I know some big heads.
i would like to become a full-fledged lesbian before I die.
I’m like the little engine that could, only, not a train, a lesbo-in-training. LIT! woowoo.